Endurance...

Aloha!  Today is April 4th, 2012.  I write this date because I am blown away that we have been here now for a full 7 months...wow and wow again.  Time is moving fast, yet feeling like not much is changing (for me in my health)...I will share, but first, as always, allow me to share a bit of this beautiful island with you!

View of Waikiki from Honolulu Waterfront

Waimanalo Beach

Kailua Beach

"Bird of Paradise" flower - GORGEOUS!

My FAVORITE place here on Oahu - the Halona Coast 

Leaves as big as me!

Beautiful bird sanctuary!  Love to come here to watch the Heron,  Doves and Ducks - many other species here as well!

Kaneohe Bay - 15 minute walk from our place!

BEAUTIFUL custom made/painted boat

Red Wax Palms - This is where the red wax they used to use to seal envelopes came from!

Banana "pod" - This is how bananas start out - soon the outer leaves fall off and inside are tiny little bananas that will mature over time - never knew this is how they started!  Pretty cool!

We are still in awe that we are here...there are times, like when we are in Waikiki, where it is so HAWAII, that we just look at each other and say, "we live here!"  Still very surreal!  Michael is LOVING it here and is thriving!  He is still working at the gym and doing work for our landlord Jim.  He is getting connected with the men's ministry at Hope Chapel (Men of Hope) and is involved in a men's leadership group which includes our pastor,  and he is loving that.  He hopes to lead a men's group or help facilitate one.  Very proud of my hubby and all that he has let go of and given over to God.  He is truly a man of God and loves the Lord with all of his heart and soul.  LOVE him to pieces and so incredibly thankful for his great attitude and commitment to God and to me!  What a gift!

I am continuing to BATTLE getting off and staying off of the starch/grain foods!  Just tried a juice fast (veggie and fruit juices from my juicing machine) and got so sick by the 3rd day that I had to stop...AGAIN.  Argh.  I have been feeling SO stuck in it all and feel overwhelmed by my symptoms.  I do see that I have eaten more of these comfort foods since coming here because I have needed the comfort!!!  Feeling very alone and somewhat lost in direction...after 7 months, I don't feel any closer to healing than I did before.  In fact, feel worse.  Hate to say it, but I do.  I'm sure it has to do with the fact that I have eaten more of these starch/grain foods since coming here.  

The good news is that God is showing me more and more and I am gaining more knowledge about myself and this sickness.  He has recently show me how DEPENDENT I am on these foods to make me "feel better," to bring comfort and how I have been using them since I was little.  This is SO INGRAINED in my brain (44 years!) and I am having a heck of a time getting off of them,  physically and EMOTIONALLY.  Every time I take them out, I feel a huge hole is left and nothing to fill it!  On an intellectual side, I know there are all kinds of things I can fill that hole with...things that make me feel "connected."  But emotionally, I feel empty.  Very hard to deal with.  

I really am learning a lot by being here all alone, with nothing to distract me away from me and from God.  He is taking my blinders off in regards to my intense dependency on these foods, foods that I know, in the long run, make me sick.  But now, what to do with it all?  Every time I try to go off I get too sick.  I have a naturopath I started working with recently and he said something very significant to me the other day in regards to this...he said I have to "feed" my emotions just like I need to feed physical body!  I can't just remove the comfort foods and not have in place to feed my emotions.  Makes sense!  So I am working on that by making sure I go to my women's group every week, making commitments to go to church, even when I am not feeling well, pursuing my art/photography more, etc etc.  I am working on it...

The one thing I am counting on is God's promise to me - 2 years before we left Washington, He called us to go.  And in that calling, He gave me a promise that day that I have held onto with all my might.  That promise is this....

"MY DAUGHTER, YOU TOOK A RISK OF FAITH AND NOW YOU ARE HEALED AND WHOLE"

I trust HIM!  I believe He is leading me!!  I just have to take steps to take these foods out slowly, little at a time, so I don't promote too fast of a detox and also to make sure it's not too fast emotionally.  I have to make the commitments and STICK with them!  Listened to a GREAT Joyce Meyer podcast today called "Finish What You Started" and it was spoken directly to me!  SO ministered and convicted me!  Listened to all 4 parts 2 x through and will listen again tomorrow.  Need to get it pounded into my brain!  That when I make a commitment to stop a food, I have to STOP eating it for a GOOD long time and not give in to my "deception brain messages" that keep telling me to eat it to feel better!  Praying God will give me the WANT TO to do this and help my body thru the detox/withdrawals.  Praying He will help me see that He is there and there is an end to all of this...praying He will keep His promise to me.  And I realize that I have to do my part.  I can't just wait until He touches me and heals me!  He's made that very clear that my healing will not be a "miraculous" healing!  It's an "be obedience, blood, sweat and tears" type healing!  But that's how I will grow and when I do get to the other side of healing, I will be able to help others, amen?  AMEN!

Blessings,

Sue