Not Our Will, BUT God's!

It's been awhile since I've written...I have resisted writing because of the difficulties I am facing...BUT I see now that God wants me to share ALL of this with you, not just what I think of as being the positive parts.  September 4th has come and gone.  This was the date we had on our calendar to leave for YWAM in Kona.  It came up as a reminder on my phone the day before and I had myself a good cry.  So obviously we have not left yet and we are still here.  I could really allow discouragement to come in and take away from what I know God is working in us during this time of waiting but I refuse it.  I am seeing how He is preparing us both for this calling and molding us to be what we need to be in order to fulfill His purpose for us.  I am learning to DAILY submit my will to Him and walk this out knowing I have no control over it.  I'm learning to become a true child and disciple of Jesus like I never even knew I could and that's a GOOD - POSITIVE thing!!  Right?  Right!!!!!

So here is what's been happening in a nutshell:

We put our home on the market a few months back - have had activity but no offers. Another area we are just letting go of - know that God will bring someone when the time is right according to His plan & purpose for our lives.

Found a home for our precious Noah dog!  I really had a tough time with this...he has been with us for over 3 years and I've really grown to love him dearly.  He's been my constant daily companion & I couldn't even imagine letting him go!  So I just asked God to please show me when the time was right to put an ad in on Craig's list and to PLEASE find the perfect home for him full of love.  He so fulfilled that prayer and more!  I woke up about 3 weeks ago and just knew it was time to put the ad in...got an answer that very night - called her and we ended up talking for about 20 minutes on the phone.  Turns out she is a christian single woman who just lost her beloved pup and was not sure if she wanted another so soon.  She was still really grieving.  She just "happened" to be glancing at the ads for pups and saw mine.  (I had mentioned in my ad that we were having to find a home due to the calling for missions)  She saw our ad and said she felt the Lord telling her this is the one.  It was an amazing first conversation and I felt so strong the she was the one as well!  We took him over to visit and it was wonderful.  They connected right away and it's been going really well since.  I am so grateful for her willingness to follow God and that she is taking such good loving care of Noah.  If I doubt God's hand in any areas during this time, I just remember God's full provision for Noah and know He is truly leading us.

In addition, I've also had some very personal revelations during my quite time with Him every morning.  Because He pulled me out of my very taxing nutrition/allergy practice, I have had so much time and I am spending a lot of it with Him.  I'm loving it!  I find myself eager every morning to sit with Him and read His word and just sit quietly waiting to hear what He wants to share with me.  And He is pouring into me like never before!  I am journaling all of it and love going back over seeing what He's revealing and teaching me.   Specifically He has shown me what I need to do to finally receive full healing for my health...it's giving up some very important foods that I have come to realize are addictive for me!  (I'll share more about this addiction revelation next post)  Going through this detox/cleansing process has really hit me hard physically and mentally.  Because of the cleansing, I am unable to tolerate but only a few foods and feel hungry all the time.  Been through this MANY times over the years, but always end up going back to eating them because of the hunger and limitations.  I know that God is leading me in this, and know that I have to stick with it, regardless of getting too hungry or too skinny!   It's a "minute to minute" getting through and I am looking to Him like never before!  It's really all about trust and obedience. Do I trust God to take care of me?  REALLY TRUST?  EVERYTHING in our lives comes down to this doesn't it??  It's really so simple, but we make it so complicated because we have fear and keep trying to take care of it our way.  Hmmm...something to ponder...

Father God, I pray that you will help me out of this "wilderness mentality" that I have been in all these years that has kept me wandering in the desert.  Lord, I see now so clearly that in order to have the full freedom Your Word tells us is ours by believing in Christ Jesus, we have to fully submit everything to Him as well.  Thank you for Your grace in my process.  When I'm overwhelmed by the pain and problems that come during this time with my health, remind me that are God, my deliverer, my Savior, and my reason to live.  Grant me victory over my fears.  Let me find rest for my weary soul in Your presence and I pray You continue to keep me under the "shadow of Your Wing."  Amen