"Lightbulb" Moment!

Hi, Sue here...wanted to share a bit about my own personal struggles.  I want you to know that my faith is strong, but my flesh is so weak.  I need my Father God in everything I do, to direct me, give me strength every day to fight this battle I am in.  And I have been in quite the battle since arriving here to Hawaii...let me share a little of my story...

As many of you who know me or have read this blog, you know that I have had digestive/food intolerance issues since I was very young.  It's something that has plagued me through out my life and continues to be a struggle.  Because of the severity of the symptoms, I have had a rough time doing much.  Every day is a PUSH to do just the simple things, let alone big things like going on trips, etc.  With God's help, I have discovered there are many foods I cannot tolerate that keep it all flared up, with starches and processed sugars being the worst culprits.  (They feed the bacterias and yeasts that are normally present in our guts and cause them to over-colonize - this is what makes me not able to digest other foods)  Through the journey of trying to eliminate them all, I have discovered that I have an addiction to them!  Argh!  I've been fighting this battle of getting off them all completely for quite some time.  When I do go off completely, I go through such major detox symptoms that I cannot function!  (It's what caused me to get so weak and faint on the airplane on my way here!)  In addition, I lose weight rapidly and get down to a very low weight and absolutely hate that!  Just like with someone getting off alcohol or drugs, all I need to do to stop the extreme symptoms is eat a little of the starches or sugars and I can feel better pretty quick!  Such a temptation!  This is the roller coaster ride I've been on for the last couple of years now...and boy oh boy, do I want off!  I have been around this mountain for far too long and am SO weary of the continuous cycle.  Eat the starches...feel better for a time...then eventually start feeling bad again due to the mess they cause in my gut...go off and go through nasty detox and feel REALLY bad, eat the foods to stop the symptoms, only to start the cycle all over again!  Crazy making to say the least eh??!!  

I was spending time with my Father God the other morning and venting my frustrations over this whole ISSUE, and He showed me something very very significant...it was my "lightbulb" moment!  (You know, He really does listen when we vent!!  :  )  I am reading a wonderful book called "Made To Crave" by Lysa Terquerst and it's been so helpful and encouraging.  As I read, God started revealing things to me, very significant things that morning.  He showed me that part of my struggle in giving these foods up is because I lose so much weight and I truly hate being so thin!  I can get down below 100 lbs and it makes me feel very self-consious, and it's especially hard when people comment on it asking me if "I'm OK???"  (I had one woman tell me ask me if I was sick because I looked GAUNT!!)  Here is what I wrote in my journal in response to these revelations:

"I pray my Father that you can help me "die to self" in this!  That my looks are not the issue here or the "important" issue...my soul and my life for You is what's at stake.  I can say the words God, but I still have this inside of me that I can't seem to OVERRIDE...is it vanity Lord??  I believe this is a piece of why I can't seem to get off these foods completely.  Help me Father, to eliminate this false worth, this lie and KNOW that my looks, whether at a good attractive weight or at a very thin weight, do not determine my worth!  Also Father, I pray that you give me what I need to get through the nasty detox, and to not be fearful of the symptoms!  Help me to have faith that I will find healing over time and that it will take time and to be patient in the process!"

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me"  Mark 8:34

Lysa, in Made To Crave says - "Jesus, when He asks us to follow Him asks us to sacrifice all things that we crave MORE than Him.  (I know, without a doubt, that I have put these starchy goody foods before Him!)  With Jesus, if we want to gain, we must GIVE UP...if we want to be filled, we must DENY ourselves...If we want to truly get closer to God, we have to distance ourselves from OTHER THINGS. If we want to conquer our cravings, we must REDIRECT them to God.  Nothing changes unless we redirect our misguided cravings to the only one capable of satisfying them.  Getting healthy isn't just about changing our diets and eating more healthy, it's about RECALIBRATING our souls SO THAT WE WANT TO CHANGE ON EVERY LEVEL OF OUR HEALTH."  (Because what we eat and how we process it affects every level of our health, physical, mental and emotional!!)

As I was reading and journaling, God gave me this picture of myself on the battlefield...

"I am on the battlefield with my sword and shield, with my enemies coming at me.  But what I see that is disconcerting is that even though I have my shield and my sword to fight and protect, I am all alone out there...because I haven't given over all of myself to God, I am out there fighting one against my enemy.  And I CANNOT win!  I have been out there, for Y E A R S, thinking I have what I need, I'm "equipped" with all the protective gear, but I fall each time, getting trampled by my enemy.  And he knows it too.  He knows where my weakness is and goes right in for the kill each time.  And each time, I act as though I can't believe that he won yet again!!  "Haven't I worked HARD and prepared myself good enough to win this time, (being in the Word every day, praying, doing His will and being obedient to His calling???)"  But there's one major area that I haven't given up that keeps me still fighting alone...food.  And by continuing to hold onto my starchy "goody" foods, this was keeping me weak, body, mind and spirit.  And this is the weak link in my armor where satan has continued to get through, keeping me on the ground in the battlefield, instead of on my feet in victory!"

Satan has been using food since Adam & Eve to bring us down and defeat us.  Look at Eve in the garden.  The serpent used an apple (food!) as his TOOL to bring down humanity!  Wow, that is so significant for us all to grasp and understand!  The apple in itself was not evil or bad.  It was just something God had told them not to eat!  So satan TEMPTED Eve to eat something she was not supposed to eat.  For me, these starches keep me sick.  And satan uses them to tempt me to keep me down.  WOW.  Pretty something eh?  

This is probably one of the most S I G N I F I C A N T spiritual journeys I will ever take with my Father God.  And I realize that as this is exciting for me to see it so clearly, I stillllllll have to turn these insights into action.  My health is a direct reflection of my choices.  This is true for all of us.  For me, I am ready to rise up, DO BATTLE with my Father God right beside me, and using His Holy Spirit strength inside of me, defeat my enemy once and for all.  God gave me a promise when He gave Michael and I the calling to GO two years ago...."My daughter, you took a risk of faith and now you are healed and whole!"  I hold Him to His promise.  I choose to believe.  I am ready to be free from this.  Truly FREE.  There is HOPE for new growth yet!  

Please pray for me in this!  I need all the help I can get!  :  )  If there is anything you are battling with, please share here in the comments section so I can be praying for you as well!  We are all in this journey together and God gave us each other to help!

(To make a comment, if you don't have a google email account, just choose anonymous, but be sure to write your name in your comment so I know who you are!)

Hugs and blessings,

Sue