Psalm 40: 1-3
"I waited patiently for the LORD; He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD."
I lived a life of another person. I lost myself in 1970 in 3rd grade when a teacher told me that I was stupid, lazy and unteachable. I wasn't stupid, I had a learning disability (dyslexia). But to an 8 year old boy, I was stupid and I needed to hide it, and I did, throughout my whole life....until 2001 when I received Christ.
Through my life, I wore many masks, hiding my little boy deep inside a brick wall I erected behind my heart. No one was going to find out the real me. Through the years my masks got thicker and more confusing so that I eventually lost who I was. In the 1980's, during my teenage years of sex, drugs and rock & roll, I was living it and losing myself more and more. When I bottomed out in 2001, in the hospital, my pancreas poisoned from years of over consumption of alcohol, with the reality that I was an alcoholic, I knew that something needed to change. I had been using alcohol to mask who I thought I was, and it finally caught up to me. Jesus finally got my attention! My desperate response was, "HELP ME LORD, I am ready and willing and need You because I can't do it by myself!" I knew that if I didn't change my behavior, I would lose my soon to be wife Sue, my job, and my life.
From that day on, I quit drinking, changed my eating habits (stopped all sugars and processed junk foods) to help me overcome the cravings for the alcohol and get healthy. I went to group counseling for 2-1/2 years to help me discover who I was and why I drank. I learned that it wasn't the alcohol itself, but that I was using it to "push down" the me that I was working so hard to cover up.
Jesus found me crying out for help. Psalm 40: 1-3 is the nutshell version of what Jesus has done for my life. Through the past 10 years I have taken all the masks off, one by one...bye bye...and good riddance. They are not mine anymore. The little boy is out from behind the brick wall and he is working on his manhood and joyfully pursing his adventure with his Father God. As the lyrics in the beautiful song Amazing Grace say - "Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound...my chains are gone and I'm free"... this sums up my life today. I am living day by day, with God's grace for HIS purpose and for His glory. Without the masks, and with Jesus's help, I have discovered who I am through God. And I can say that I truly like myself (yayah!) and have a confidence and a strong FAITH that brought me here to Hawaii, able to do HIS work here.
I am one HAPPY man.
Blessings to you all,
Michael
4 comments:
Micheal, congratulations on walking away from alcohol and processed sugar. I too partied a lot in the 1980s. Actually, I started partying in the late 1970s to help relieve the pain and shock of watching my dad pass away from pancreatic cancer, before dying at the young age of 46, while I was a senior in high school.
My mom took up drinking alcohol to drown her pain and became emotionally disconnected from me, but mostly clung to my sisters as they did things together.
Seeing what alcohol did to my mom and others I cut it out of my life completely in Feb., 2005, and am better without this poisen of the body and soul. Thus, my Spirit overruled my soul and flesh.
You and Sue are on a brave journey into the unknown. I will keep both of you in my prayers. Right now I am barely getting by as a substitute teacher without a contract and no medical insurance. If my ship ever comes in I hope to help out.
May we all lift one another up in prayers.
Blessings
-John Sheridan
Thanks for your comments John. Our lives sound very familiar to one another. Our families shapes us in many ways, good & bad. We can choose to learn & grow from the past or we can sink in the quick sand of feelings & emotions that will take us down & suffocate us. I was in that sad place, with my head sticking out of the sand, gasping for air. The Holy Spirit took my head out of the sand, along with my body, & really worked me over through the years, giving me the confidence, drive, ambition, & most of all giving me the truth I needed about who I was in Christ. He then challenged me, asking me what was I going to do with my life? I took it on & never looked back. Through Jesus, I took those steps needed, forgave deep in my heart those that I needed to forgive and accepted the fact I could not change them. Then I started lovin' on myself & learned how to have fun again-for me!
Praying you make the full choice to leave those hurts behind and enter into the fullness of God's plan & purpose for your life...including JOY!
Blessings,
Michael
Michael,
Your walk with God is so encouraging! You are truly a mighty man of God and I am so excited for all of the lives you and Sue will touch over in Hawaii! What a giant step of faith you guys have taken and all to the glory of God! Your transparency I believe will impact many men, young and old. Miss you guys. Keep blogging!!
Love Steph DiJulio
Aw Steph!! SO good to hear from you and get your encouragement!! You are a blessing to us and we are praying for you as well and your sweet family!
Love and miss you tooooo!
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