Aloha! It's been a good while since I've shared here and to be honest, I just haven't "felt" like it...I am going through some very difficult things here in this whole "healing" process, things I just didn't realize were still there and still influencing my life in ways I had no clue. It's so weird how we can BE ourselves, yet not know ourselves, you know? Our brains are truly miraculous in how they work and process information, experiences, images, etc...and oh...I'm getting a real LOUD speaker in my ear of all the "hidden" owies still left there in my sub-conscious!!
But as always, before I launch into all that stuff, let me do the fun part first! Here are some recent images I have taken on my walks in my neighborhood and a few on the coast/beach. I decided to do only black & whites for a bit and challenge myself - it's a whole different approach to photographing with black and white because I look more for textures, contrast & lines so it gives me a fresh way off seeing things. Haven't shot in B & W for a long time, especially here on the island with all the gorgeous colors, but needed something to get me sparked! They were all shot with my iPhone4 using the Hipstamatic app. (Love that app!!)
As I have shared with you in previous posts, I am still struggling with my health and trying to find the right "balance" of foods/nutrients that will bring relief to the ever present, relentless symptoms. Since coming here to Oahu the first of Sept of 2011, I have been feeling God telling me to look to Him for my direction in all of this. And to STOP all the research in nutrition etc! There is nothing but confusion there due to all the different opinions. It's amazing how you can find 5 websites that say, without a doubt, (and always backed up by research and testimonials!) that by getting off all meats and meat products and eating nothing but whole plant foods, which includes grains and beans, you WILL have wonderful exuberant health! But yet, I can type in "Benefits of the Paleo Diet" and find 5 websites that tell you why it's IMPERATIVE to get off all grains because they were not a part of what humans ate back before agriculture and how they are the crux of our health! It gets very confusing! Because they all make very good points! Which is why NO ONE way of eating is right for every person! Because of the intestinal issues I have, I have to find out, FOR NOW, what will bring healing. There is something obviously causing all this distress in my digestive tract...there is a REASON. I have removed all meats (except a little bit of fish or chicken twice a week or so) and that has eliminated alot of my hard stomach pain & burning, thank God! I believe I just wasn't digesting it all (eating 2-3 small serving per day). But now I am using the grains to take the place and KNOW that I am not tolerating them due to how much I crave them and the fact that they bring a whole other range of symptoms! It's a continuous cycle and I want off the merry go round!!
I so LONG for peace in my body when it comes to food...it's been a constant source of pain, sickness, misery, frustration and cravings!!! So I am stepping out now and eliminating all the starches. Argh. That leaves me with just veggies and fruits and a little meats. Not enough calories to maintain my low weight, and know I will lose some and DON'T want that, but if this is what I have to do to get to the other side, then so be it.
It's interesting how much going off these starchy foods is triggering me! God is showing me how much I have used them for my comfort and by not allowing myself access to them for that comfort, I am left with all the "feelings" and no way to ease them by eating my "goody" foods. These foods have been such a source of "PLEASURE" for me ever since I was very young. Looked so forward to my ding-dongs and chocolate milk after everyone left for work and school to ease my sorrow over not being able to go to school and be with my friends and being home alone. This message that these foods are my comfort is deceptive, but it's become so ingrained that it's automatic and my "truth." I have been in process of identifying all these "deceptive brain messages" and seeing them for what they are - false. So when the impulse comes up to eat these foods, I step back and see it for what it is and use the power of my mind to replace it with truth and then do something healthy like go for a walk, etc. These "neural pathways" are SO integrated into my brain and the only way I can get away from this behavior is to stop strengthening them by not focusing on them or acting the impulses out and by creating new pathways of healthy behavior and truth. QUITE the process when they have been with me for the last 43 years + !!! But step by step, God is helping me walk this out. I truly don't know if this will be the path of healing for me at this point, because I feel too awful, physically and mentally right now to know much of anything. But I have to give this time to see if it's what I need to be doing...the cravings are immense...all I have to do is eat a little brown rice or wheat and it stops all the physical & emotional symptoms. But if I give in no, I will never know if this will bring the peace and healing I so long for. So I will KEEP TRYING! And I will KEEP looking to my God for HIS leading and direction. Resolute decisions end mental wars!
I long to be well so that I can fully participate in all that God has made me to be and do. I long for freedom from these chains that have bound me all my life, not just for me, but for God and for my family. Since "stepping off the cliff" to come here to Oahu, there have been many accomplishments and victories. I have stepped out in many ways and pushed myself beyond my lifetime of fears to come here and I am SO glad I did. It was SO hard but SO worth it. I have realized too that my healing has manifested itself on many levels...physical and emotional levels and by giving these foods up, I am facing yet another big battle. It truly feels as if it's my last biggie to overcome. Please pray for me that I can do this, and get through this! Please pray that this is the right path to healing. I so believe in the POWER of prayer and SO appreciate when someone does pray for me. I don't take that lightly, believe me. It's BIG! And as always, please share any issues/addictions you are facing so I can pray for you too!
P.S. Before I sign off, I wanted to give you a quick update to share with you how God is doing such wonders in providing for our needs here! We are continually blown away by it all and His attention to even the small things. Wow! First and foremost we don't have to move! He provided a way for us to stay here in our cozy, bright, happy place on Lilipuna Road in Kaneohe and for our rent to be reduced and bookkeeping work for me! Yaaaay!! This also means we don't have to worry about coming up with the funds to buy a bed and other essentials! Also BIG PRAISE for providing a job at a wonderful gym for Michael that he's really enjoying! God is so faithful!!!! Thank you!
Blessings,
Sue
But as always, before I launch into all that stuff, let me do the fun part first! Here are some recent images I have taken on my walks in my neighborhood and a few on the coast/beach. I decided to do only black & whites for a bit and challenge myself - it's a whole different approach to photographing with black and white because I look more for textures, contrast & lines so it gives me a fresh way off seeing things. Haven't shot in B & W for a long time, especially here on the island with all the gorgeous colors, but needed something to get me sparked! They were all shot with my iPhone4 using the Hipstamatic app. (Love that app!!)
I so LONG for peace in my body when it comes to food...it's been a constant source of pain, sickness, misery, frustration and cravings!!! So I am stepping out now and eliminating all the starches. Argh. That leaves me with just veggies and fruits and a little meats. Not enough calories to maintain my low weight, and know I will lose some and DON'T want that, but if this is what I have to do to get to the other side, then so be it.
It's interesting how much going off these starchy foods is triggering me! God is showing me how much I have used them for my comfort and by not allowing myself access to them for that comfort, I am left with all the "feelings" and no way to ease them by eating my "goody" foods. These foods have been such a source of "PLEASURE" for me ever since I was very young. Looked so forward to my ding-dongs and chocolate milk after everyone left for work and school to ease my sorrow over not being able to go to school and be with my friends and being home alone. This message that these foods are my comfort is deceptive, but it's become so ingrained that it's automatic and my "truth." I have been in process of identifying all these "deceptive brain messages" and seeing them for what they are - false. So when the impulse comes up to eat these foods, I step back and see it for what it is and use the power of my mind to replace it with truth and then do something healthy like go for a walk, etc. These "neural pathways" are SO integrated into my brain and the only way I can get away from this behavior is to stop strengthening them by not focusing on them or acting the impulses out and by creating new pathways of healthy behavior and truth. QUITE the process when they have been with me for the last 43 years + !!! But step by step, God is helping me walk this out. I truly don't know if this will be the path of healing for me at this point, because I feel too awful, physically and mentally right now to know much of anything. But I have to give this time to see if it's what I need to be doing...the cravings are immense...all I have to do is eat a little brown rice or wheat and it stops all the physical & emotional symptoms. But if I give in no, I will never know if this will bring the peace and healing I so long for. So I will KEEP TRYING! And I will KEEP looking to my God for HIS leading and direction. Resolute decisions end mental wars!
I long to be well so that I can fully participate in all that God has made me to be and do. I long for freedom from these chains that have bound me all my life, not just for me, but for God and for my family. Since "stepping off the cliff" to come here to Oahu, there have been many accomplishments and victories. I have stepped out in many ways and pushed myself beyond my lifetime of fears to come here and I am SO glad I did. It was SO hard but SO worth it. I have realized too that my healing has manifested itself on many levels...physical and emotional levels and by giving these foods up, I am facing yet another big battle. It truly feels as if it's my last biggie to overcome. Please pray for me that I can do this, and get through this! Please pray that this is the right path to healing. I so believe in the POWER of prayer and SO appreciate when someone does pray for me. I don't take that lightly, believe me. It's BIG! And as always, please share any issues/addictions you are facing so I can pray for you too!
P.S. Before I sign off, I wanted to give you a quick update to share with you how God is doing such wonders in providing for our needs here! We are continually blown away by it all and His attention to even the small things. Wow! First and foremost we don't have to move! He provided a way for us to stay here in our cozy, bright, happy place on Lilipuna Road in Kaneohe and for our rent to be reduced and bookkeeping work for me! Yaaaay!! This also means we don't have to worry about coming up with the funds to buy a bed and other essentials! Also BIG PRAISE for providing a job at a wonderful gym for Michael that he's really enjoying! God is so faithful!!!! Thank you!
Blessings,
Sue
2 comments:
Love you my sis and know how HARD this is for you...remember, 'You have been anointed for hard!' But, also know I am praying for you. I will not give up praying for your complete healing, but above all else, for God's PERFECT will for YOU. You are a beautiful testimony of God's grace living in you, I pray He lift you today with wings like eagles so you can soar above all the yuck!!!!!! Remember to rest in Him today. Loves!
Oh Cher...you are my TRUE BLUE! Really don't know how I would have made it without your constant love, prayers and support! Love you so so much my sister!!
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