God's Timing

Our "Wanderin'" Flip-Flops!

Aloha!  We have now been on the island officially 41 days!  Hard to believe, but then it feels like 41 days due to the on-going health issues I'm facing here.  We have loved the island itself, the beautiful scenery everywhere we go, has been a feast for the eyes!  Just going to Costco is a joy because we drive along the Ole' highway that takes us up on top of the mountain where the views are extraordinary!  (This is where the pictures above were taken from)  They say this is the best place to whale watch so we plan on going back for a sunrise and whale watching day.  God is so amazing in His creation...I've realized for me that taking pictures of all His beautiful creation (yes, I do have to include MY TOES in this, since He created them!!) is my way of worshipping Him.  I just feel it rise up within me like a song when I see something so beautiful and majestic such as this.  This is healing in and of itself.

So my continuing saga of health...let me share what's happening and what God is showing me...

I really believed the whole process of coming here was my "sacrifice" of all things I was hanging onto that God wanted me to let go of...quitting my nutrition practice, letting go of my car, my things, my HOUSE (my main area of comfort and security) and agreeing with Michael to quit his job!  These were all things that I placed before God to help me feel secure and comforted.  And then getting on that plane, the hardest thing yet when I was SO sick and fearful.  (See my earlier post about this fun little plane ride!)  I felt this was my TRUE TEST to determine if I was really letting go and allowing God to lead me...to fully TRUST Him.  I did it and got here!  That was such a victory, believe me!  Wow, each time I get on the beach and see the white sands, blue-green-torquoise waters, and swim in the warm waters, I am amazed I actually am here.  Something I never thought I could do due to my life-time of being sick and not wanting to leave the security of my home...

I really believed that God would wave His hand over me and I would arrive here healed.  I really did!  So you can imagine when I had been here for about a week and got sicker and sicker, my huge disappointment and anger!  He had given me a promise two years ago that said directly to me - "Daughter, you took a risk of faith and now you are healed and whole."  I really believed this promise and expected that I would find healing here on the island.  Well...God had other plans for me...argh.  I have since come to realize that the BIGGEST test of all was for me to fully release my HEALTH into His hands and my need for my comfort foods.  If you have read any of my previous blogs you know that I have shared with you about my addiction to starchy, sugar foods.  (Always in a "healthy" form, but nonetheless bad for ME and my gut!)  I have never been able to stay away from them permanently.  I do believe these are what keeps my whole gut in an uproar due to them promoting overgrowth of candida yeasts and bacterias.  My biggest obstacle is that when I do eliminate them, by whole gut/system goes into an uproar!  I get very very sick and lose lots of weight that I can't afford to lose.  I get frustrated and fearful and go back to eating them.  As soon as I start eating them, it stops the whole major cleansing/die-off of the bad guys and my major symptoms resolve and I go back to feeling my "normal bad" again.  

This time it's different.  I had felt before I came that God was doing something very DEEP inside me.  Something that was going to require a LOT of strength in me to do.  I had believed it was all the things I mentioned earlier, but I'm seeing now in addition to those things, it's about giving up these starchy foods (oatmeal, sweet potato, chocolate, wheat, etc) permanently and riding through the WHOLE process of healing, no matter how long it takes and no matter how thin I get.  This is what He's been preparing me to do!   And its EXCRUCIATING in every way!  I have lost weight, feel so sick and am eating nothing but steamed green veggies blended with little amounts of drained, rinsed meats along with some fruit smoothies.  And spending a lot of time INSIDE my little place rather than out going to church and getting connected like I so long to do.  UGH.  I've been doing this for the last month or so and have had only a few days where I can feel a lifting from the heavy symptoms and have found it very hard to stay motivated to keep eating in a way that is not bringing much reward.  I am fighting a LIFE-TIME of addictive thoughts that want to go back to my comfort foods, not only to bring me comfort emotionally, but also to bring relief physically.  I have Michael hide his oatmeal and anything else like nuts (oh the cashews!  I want to just stuff them in my face!!!!), etc so I can't grab them in a fit of weakness.  I have moments where the longing is so great that I just sit and cry it out to release.  It's agonizing to say the least.  

BUT, BUT, BUT!!!  Here is where I KNOW my God is with me and guiding me...I am NOT giving in like I have so many times in the past.  I feel like I am here for a REASON and it's for my healing.  I feel like I don't have any other choice but to FINALLY walk THROUGH this completely.  He has chosen not to just heal me, but allow me to walk out this tough process of healing for my good and ultimately His Glory.  This will strengthen me in ways that nothing else can!  (I also realize that He is preparing me for some form of ministry for His Glory that will require this huge sacrifice and I get excited when I thing I can finally be used for Him!!)  Once I realized this, I sat down with Him and asked for His forgiveness for me not trusting His timing, His plan.  I laid my desires for healing now at His feet.  I submitted to Him my health and told Him I will walk each day in trust...trusting that because I am now giving it all to Him, He will be responsible for my daily needs.  I felt a great release as I let go of all these things.  So now my job is to walk each day WITH Him, letting Him do the work.  I just have to stay connected with Him and be obedient to what He asks of me for that day.  I no longer think I have to make it happen because I realize that God said it would happen and He would make it happen.  That is enough for me for today.

Most of the promises that God gives us are far too great to achieve by our own efforts.  We just have to embrace them by F A I T H and say, "God, You said it, You'll do it."  Praying for you all today in your struggles and hardships whether they be health related, relationship, addiction, etc, that you will release it all into your Father God's Mighty Hands and let Him do the work.  Your job is to trust Him today and find out what He's asking of you to do in this day, in this moment.  Then just do it.  

Blessings,

Sue